I never imagined I’d need to use a handicap space. When I received my 100% VA disability rating, I made a silent promise: I’d never park in those spaces. I felt strong and capable, able to walk to and from the store without issue. Florida even offers free license plates for veterans like me, allowing us to park closer to ease movement, but I couldn’t foresee a time when I wouldn’t be able to make it in and out of Publix on my own two feet.
But life has a way of humbling us and revealing new perspectives. I recently found myself borrowing a wheelchair from our neighbors for my wife. She is fighting cancer again, and chemotherapy has made her legs ache with a pain. She is much like my father—strong-willed and independent, reluctant to ask for help or accept it. It’s one of the things I love most about her, this tenacity and resolve to live life fully on her terms. Yet, there are moments when emotion trumps logic, and she insists on walking, only to end up soaking her aching joints in a bathtub at 3 a.m.
Today, as I wheeled her around, I saw things differently. For the first time, I saw the purpose of those license plates I had so casually dismissed before. In a way, I felt the hand of God gently guiding me to see a deeper truth—that we all need help, and we will all be caregivers at some point in our lives. Rosemary Carter and Elizabeth Dole taught me this lesson, but life has reinforced it repeatedly.
I remember my father’s journey. A proud man, old school in every way, he despised the thought of using a wheelchair. For two hard years, he resisted help as he made his journey home, never once wanting to appear weak or dependent. I see so much of him in my wife now. She, too, is not accustomed to accepting help, yet her strength lies not just in her independence but in the love and resilience she shows every day, even through gritted teeth and stubborn defiance.
Our neighbors, older friends who have always been there for us, offered their wheelchair without a second thought. It’s moments like this that remind me of the power of community, of being a good neighbor. We help each other, not because we have to, but because it is a reflection of love, of being there when needed, without question or hesitation.
Sometimes, the carefully curated Instagram smiles need to be set aside so we can face reality. Life is not always picture-perfect; it is messy, challenging, and often painful. But it is also filled with grace, with moments of divine intervention that remind us of our purpose and our place in the world.
Today, my license plate makes sense. I see God’s plan unfold in the most unexpected ways. I am here, not just as a veteran with a rating but as a husband, a caregiver, a neighbor, and a servant of love. My wife’s determination to live life fully, even when it means being a little grumpy about the wheelchair, is a testament to the spirit we all share—the spirit to keep moving forward, to love fiercely, and to serve selflessly.
So, I embrace this role, this chance to support her in her journey, however she demands it. And in doing so, I see that God is indeed at work, weaving all these threads—divine intervention, caregiving, love, selfless service, and community—into a beautiful tapestry that is my life.
My wife and I wanted blueberries for so many reasons, health, self preservation, annual renewal, family activities, fun and most importantly life.
We have 6 plants for our current six children: Jared Alexis Jacob Michael Cayla and Mikayla. Two different varieties, Emerald and Jewel as you need at least two different types to have berries. There are so many parallels in life.
Everything came together today to get them planted. There is no better day to plant them.
You can say it’s not the right season, they are not big enough, or your Ph is off, but to us it doesnt matter as now is the time.
As they read the names on TV I am galvanized in the remembrance that the beauty and wonder of life is fleeting but must continued.
What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?
So I believe life is not about time, but what a person does within it.
Not even 30 years old and this Gentleman whose marker is above had a very full life and most important was content with it. He wrote his obituary before going to Vietnam which is how I’m able to make such a statement.
I just learned of his amazing life while paying my respects to a cherished mentor of mine, who has but a few days left. My mentor wanted to share the story of MAJ Hottell on his death bed as it was his regret he wasn’t able to pay respects to him in his lifetime.
Hence, its very easy for me to say its not the minutes that count but the things within them.
My wife did not have liver cancer. Waiting for the results of her PET/CT was as if we were transported 18 months back in time. The dread was heavy once again with the fear of life’s uncertainty. Could we get through this next battle?
My mind went to my experience. Deployed from family one time was very hard but it could be done, but two times was scarring at best. Would we survive another round in the ring with cancer? I stayed out of my thoughts and went into business mode. One appointment, one test, one moment at a time to support my wife. It took about 3 weeks from her bi-annual MRI and CT to see the oncologist and the get the PET/CT. Everything else gets put on hold as we wondered what the future held for us during that time. Life seems to stop. Then we received the results through the patient portal app and we were free again for the next 6 months. We cleaned the house, rearranged the furniture and where happy. They was no point before. Now our life was back on.
My son called and said he was going to be a father! These are the things that make the hard times bearable.
As a mentor to many of my friends that have left the military after me as well as young people I work with in my side gigs….I try and steer them between idealism and our cruel world especially in the area of being a great employee without being abused.
When is setting boundaries seen as not being a team player?
Or a better question: Why is trying to have boundaries seen as not being a team player? Is there a way to have boundaries and still be seen as not a distraction?
Is being on call 24/7 just the nature of the beast that people working for others have to expect if you want a good paying job?
Does part time mean part time commitment? When did three 8 hour shifts turn into a full time job that pays less than 2000 a month?
A mentor once told me its not like juggling its more like keeping the plates spinning. you have to watch over a lot of things and add your strengths and time to those in need…..Of course, some need more time than others and some are worth the extra time. That is where decisions have to be made.
Just some conversations I have had with young folks lately…
Any sage insights would be appreciated to help my people.
I was a bright eyed bushy tailed greenhorn invested in the idea of working for a company that prides itself on the same values I believe I have. I was at the tip of the spear helping people where it all beings at the very bottom. After a month of training our team of twenty excited and determined people graduated with the highest grade point average ever and without losing a person.
Within 4 months we had lost 40% of team.
I told anyone that would listen that In the military we would have been combat ineffective within a month and within two our chain of command would have been relieved. Regardless of who you raised issues to it was always the same response:
” We know and we have been trying to fix it for years”
What Happened? Ultimately without a doubt the root cause was a lack of either concern or the ability to utilize the time and attendance system. People that needed to work full time couldn’t get more hours even though there were calls everyday for people to stay beyond there shift. People wanted less hours as they were hired part time (my case) but worked almost 40 and late into the night when only a very small percentage of people where present. Changes to schedule all the way up to the day before a persons required attendance where commonplace. Start and stop times that changed between 15 minutes and hours daily, and days off that changed every week nor where concurrent.
For people in school, with children or any other commitments it was an unattainable goal to stay.
What a horrible waste of time, money and most important people that could easily be fixed if Leaders Lead. I wish I could go back.
Does your Company offer a health plan? How about an 401K or HSA? A FSA to help with my commute? Pet Insurance? Why not? and If not, I’ll probably work somewhere else.
Even for a Company with as little as one employee benefits security and just plain old concern about their future provides a differential that will set you apart from so many other Companies. I hear all the time the excuses that we can not provide these benefits: it’s too costly, too expensive to the employee, too much time and effort to administer and how does it help me get more customers, retain customers and provide the services I have promised?
In my experience, I have heard of and witnessed many organizations that failed to pay social security taxes for their employees. The employee is faced with sometimes years of no credit towards federal retirement. This does not take into consideration the legal implications on the business for failing to pay taxes. I know of nationally known Companies that offer no health insurance or retirement and can get away with it because of their organizational structure. Providing a vanpool for a group of people might provide a great tax benefit to your company and allow folks to get to and from work easily and endear them to the organization.
Below is the diagram I use to manage my back office. Its our background image with hyperlinks to all the partners and systems we have relationships with. It might help your business let me know if it does or I can help you in your journey.
