I was sweating, feeling sick to my stomach. I told the examiner and my wife that I couldn’t do this interview.

I left the secure sterile Veterans Benefits Administration office and went to the waiting room and began to pace. Thinking how I hated being here.  How I was such a failure for even entertaining this stupid suggestion of reopening my disability claim with the VA after I listed to Jarmon.

I was trying to sell a BBQ Grill to Jarmon at a large chain home improvement store in early November 2023. I worked in the Inside lawn and garden department as the money from my corporate severance package had run out. My wife was only able to work part time as well as myself. My job search for over a year was fruitless. We cut everything we could from cable, yard service, no more going out to dinner, we reduced our health, life and car insurance but it was not enough. I had to bring in something even though I had military retirement and my VA disability to cover my bills and help my family. It was a hard landing for us as our great retirement plan went array.

Jarmon was solemn. He didn’t want to listen to my shtick I did in one form or another to sell BBQs to people. “Are you guys Bar-Be-Queuing this weekend? I wore a vest which represented military service to show to customers the corporation liked Vets. I pretty much knew he was Military because of our interaction and demeanor. Like a soldier knows an officer in or out of uniform. He said: “Thank you for your service but I’m not interested”. I said: “Thank you for your service”. He said: How did you know? I said, “I was in for 23 years so I know”. He laughed, and said; “What’s your my VA rating?” I told him, and he said; “you should be at 100”. I said: “I’ve heard that so many times but that’s just not a thing I want to do. He said, hey stupid this is not a gift or charity, and it’s not you scamming the government. This benefit is for your family and a grateful Nation, so get over yourself and help them. I laughed and said; “how are you so sure?” He said; “I work for the VA and this is what I do”. I advise veterans about this”. He said; “come to my office and I’ll help you”. I said: “Let me think about it”.

Regaining my composure I finally came back to the office. Jarmon, the Veteran Benefits Officer had tears in his eyes. I was scared something terrible had happened and I immediately internalized that it was something I did, or my wife told him I was a bad person as my mind went straight to the dark side.

My wife looked at me which meant to sit down. I did. Jarmon said he was upset and sad because the story my wife recounted about me was his story. He did not want to file. He did not want to appeal. He did not want to get help along the way. He was in a downward spiral. After several years someone out of the blue told him;” Hey stupid this is not a gift or charity, and it’s not you scamming the government. This benefit is for your family and a grateful Nation, so get over yourself and help them. In the long run you will get better for doing this.

I heard this before several times over the years, but that day and in that way it resonated. Hearing a CSM speak to me like when I was a dumb PVT back in 1988 again made it stick. “Tough love” is a good thing!

I appealed my claim 11 years after my first decision. Six months later and three one hour appointments I received my decision.

Now, my daughter will have the ability to go to a school of higher learning or vocation for a minimal sum. We will not have to pay property taxes allowing my wife not to work. The stress of getting care for my wife who suffers from liver cancer has been lifted. I can spend more time helping others in different ways while helping myself too.

I hope this true story helps any Veterans out there that need a good talking to.

Find the strength to do the right thing.